*Morgan Freeman’s voice* “Imagine a life where your dreams & goals get top billing. A life that satisfies you on a deeper level. And even though people question your choice and diaper commercials annoy you, you feel at peace.”
Before I was a 36 yr old confidently-childfree woman, I was an 18 yr old girl who wasn’t interested in motherhood.
But I didn’t yet know that I had a choice.
Obsessed with my violin, I had a car, an apartment & freedom.
But in the back of my mind, I could hear all the clichés:
“You haven’t met the right man yet!”
“You’ll change your mind about motherhood once you have your first kid”
“Be fruitful and multiply”
“Graduate, go to university, get married, have babies, be a MOM. That’s what everybody does.”
So what’s a girl to do?
Tip #1 Focus on your freedom.
Here’s the thing… the more content you are, the happier you are, the better choices you make.
But when life sucks and it’s a struggle to slog from one day to the next, you have to find something that lifts your spirits.
And I don’t mean heroin.
Maybe it’s cuddling your pet.
In those early days of adulthood when I didn’t have a lot of money and wifi wasn’t a thing, I’d take my journal or a book and go sit in the park across from my basement apartment.
I’d write down all that bothered me. All that I hoped for. All that made me proud at that moment.
My sole focus was on making a name for myself as a local performer and violin teacher. I was also working at a part-time insurance job.
My love for being independent carried me through my tumultuous 20s.
Even when I found myself living with roommates and working at a job that wasn’t creatively fulfilling.
I realized it was temporary and so I kept aiming higher.
I made the most out of what I had. This led to better opportunities.
Like co-creating the Childfree Girls web-series!
A shot from our hilarious Halloween episode!
Whatever age & stage of life you are at, there will be some form of freedom that you have right now that you wouldn’t have if you had kids.
There is also great freedom in knowing you don’t want kids. The time & energy needed to search for a baby daddy/mama can be used on building your dream life.
Tip #2 Be comfortable on your own.
Let’s face it, most of us don’t have many childfree friends, IRL.
Some of my close friends don’t have kids but consider them a future possibility.
I’m a busy girl and I’m friends with busy, successful people.
I’ve known most of them since childhood. Over the years, we’ve all moved to different cities, created our own lives and somehow stayed in touch.
Since I prefer to travel solo and don’t enjoy group activities, I love that my friends are scattered around.
I don’t feel obligated to spend my weekends going out.
It’s OK to say “no” and do your thing. Sometimes, circumstances force you to.
Especially when your best friend gets pregnant and going out for chicken wings & beer on Wednesday nites is no longer an option.
It turns out, there is a super-cool person who is dying to be your best friend.
Get to know this person. Hell, self-help books talk about falling in love with yourself…why not?
All my life I’ve been told I’m loud and talk a lot.
Both are true.
But instead of feeling bad about it, I realize this is a gift for me to use.
Pair this with my love for being childfree and LOOK OUT society!
I get to spend my days talking about this way of life. And I’m making a lot of new friends at the same time.
When you are comfortable being on your own, you stop placing expectations on people to make you happy.
When you are comfortable on your own, you don’t sit around wishing for someone to whisk you away. You book your own ticket to paradise.
Tip #3 – Share your story with the childfree community.
OK, so you’re not a loudmouth like I am. You don’t want to tell the world, yet, that you don’t want kids.
maybe you’re ready to shout from the rooftops.
Sharing your decision to not have kids, whether it be to one person or 1000, is powerful.
My close family and friends have known for years that I’m not having kids. But for me, that conversation wasn’t enough.
I wanted… needed to see more stories about others who chose not to have kids.
There had to be someone out there who didn’t want to become a parent and DIDN’T become a parent.
Sometimes you have to make the first move.
I started blogging to no one.
The more I wrote, the more I sought out other childfree people online.
Facebook-not my fave but it helped build my blog audience.
Instagram—a happier experience and my fave way to connect with the childfree community.
Twitter—hit & miss but that’s how I met one of my Childfree Girls co-hosts.
You never know what opportunities will come your way as you speak out about your childfree journey.
If being public isn’t your jam…write to yourself.
Childfree Journals are perfect for that. No judgement and they are entertaining AF!
There is one final thing I’d like to mention.
You don’t have to come out the gate with a perfectly tailored social media page or a polished podcast.
Start small. Start simple. It’s going to take a minute to find your style. I’m constantly evolving mine.
But all the little things add up.
18 months go by and you realize you have a decent foundation. And then, onwards & upwards. With a minor crash here and there.