In the eighth episode of Childfree Girls, our guest is relationship coach Natalie Fikes. She is also a mother. We invited her on the show to discuss some controversial comments she’d made on her social media. The conversation took a turn when we asked about her personal experiences with motherhood.
She mentioned the void that existed inside of her. One that she tried filling by having children. When Kristen asked her if the void got filled after she had children, her answer became our favorite soundbite to date:
Much is made about the “gift of life.” Pronatalists love to say how selfless and generous procreation is. That we will become complete once we experience birthing new life from our bodies. We’ve been set up to believe that we are missing something.
I’ve had moments when I felt the void. I’ve tried to fill it with sugar, money, tv, and sleep. I enjoy all these things, greatly. But satisfaction comes when I enjoy them simply for the sake of enjoying them and not as means to fill the void.
The idea of birthing a tiny, helpless human to be used as something to fill a sense of emptiness is maddening to me. For me, freedom is fulfilling. Freedom to express myself. Freedom to come and go. Freedom to be myself.
Freedom is the void.
We are taught to fill in our lives with all the things adults have to do. Filling the void, covering up our freedom like it’s a bad thing to have.
What if we embrace freedom instead? What if we embrace the void and see what happens?