From the Inside Out: Being Childfree

Photo by LeNora Faye. Canmore, Alberta Canada

To some, the childfree lifestyle looks empty and meaningless. Cars, cash, trips, sleep.

 “I wouldn’t trade my child for any of these things.”   “If only I had kids instead of being regretfully childless in my 40s.”   These are sentiments echoed in articles and comments shared across social media in attempts to warn those of us who remain kid-free. The issue I have with these types of statements is that the approach is from a superficial standpoint. 

Building any life of substance is an inside job. Focusing on your inner well-being is key. Making decisions from a place of peace leads to outward blessings. For some, the choice to not have children comes after considering their options. For others, there is a deep knowing that parenthood isn’t for them. Perks such as sleep, travel, and extra cash are enjoyable, yes, but the true joy of being childfree is not having kids. 

Say what?!

Yes, it’s really that simple. I’m not interested in being a mother. Therefore, I don’t have kids. I’ve been defined by a career in years past. A violinist and music teacher. A dream for me and one I loved. I made it my entire identity and then when I decided I didn’t want to do it anymore, the transition was rough. I didn’t know how to identify myself. It took me a few years to understand that I am not what I do or have. Who I am is an expression of choice. It has taken 37 years and a lot of inner work to even begin to understand this.

Photo by LeNora Faye . Lethbridge, Alberta Canada

I’ve been flush, I’ve been broke. I’ve had years of non-stop travel, years of non-stop work. I’ve had relationships, I’ve been single. I’ve known loss and gain. I’ve been happy in the darkest of times and miserable in the best of times and vice versa. What’s my point? Joy and misery are inside jobs. When I feel at peace and feel joy, inspiration happens. That is when I’ve received the car, the cash, the travel. Not the other way around.

The other day, I was loading the dishwasher while listening to a meditation video. Out of nowhere, the thought occurred to me “why not make a guided meditation video for childfree people?”  We deal with judgement, being misunderstood, and at times, doubting our choices. The mind chatter needs to be paused, allowing space for our confidence to build.  I stopped loading dishes and got to work. My equipment is basically a 5-year-old laptop and my iPhone but I have tons of beautiful photos from my travels and a wealth of knowledge about living childfree. I spent the next two days creating 5-minute videos dedicated to childfree living. 

Childfree Meditation is dedicated to embracing being childfree. Childfree Gratitude Meditation is dedicated to being thankful for choice. Fulfillment & Purpose Childfree Meditation is the third video. “Fulfillment doesn’t need a diaper.”  I believe you can laugh during meditation. I’ve often used meditation as a last resort but lately I’ve come to appreciate it every morning. It helps me set myself up for a better day and it’s free. If you don’t like to keep your eyes closed, these videos feature beautiful scenic photos. You can even listen to them while loading the dishwasher. Perhaps you will get an idea for something awesome halfway through.

LeNora Faye is founder of The Bitchy Bookkeeper; a childfree lifestyle brand. She is also creator of Childfree Journals and 1/3 of the founding non-mothers of Childfree Girls.

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